Here is this wonderfully cracktastic fanfiction I just had to write. Dark is epic, Light is whiny, and Adam is schizophrenic. That is just an AWESOME mix of stuff, isn’t it? XD Enjoy! And YES I realize that it is impossibly long. I'm sorry. And OMG don't be offended by the Adommy stuff - I don't ship it but I DO NOT bash people's ships - it was purely joking.
Dark vs. Light
Adam leaned closer to the mirror, liberally applying black eyeliner to around his light eyes. He sang a few notes of Pop That Lock, shaking his hips to the beat and nodding his head. His concert was in just a few minutes and he was putting the finishing touches on his look.
“You look so hot,” a sarcastic voice said from behind Adam, startling him.
“Dark!” he yelled, whipping around and jabbing the khol eyeliner at his look-alike. “I thought I told you not to bother me before concerts!”
Dark pouted, giving Adam the uncanny feeling of looking in a mirror. “You’re no fun, Adam. You don’t like talking to us anymore!”
Adam snorted in exasperation, turning back to the mirror. His reflection showed him in all his Glam glory, with a copy-cat image directly behind, clad in all black clothes like Adam was. “Since when did I ever like talking to you, Dark?”
The air shimmered next to Dark as Light appeared, shaking his head. “Now Adam, that’s not very nice.”
“Sorry,” Adam said. “It’s not my fault that Dark is like, going completely emo.”
“I am not!” Dark cried, putting a hand to his (very cold) heart. “I simply have a dark vibe to me.”
“Dark vibe,” Light muttered loftily, sitting down on the counter that Adam was leaning over to get to the mirror. “You do realize that there’s a reason you’re so dark? For God’s sake, your name is Dark, Dark! What do you really think people are going to say?”
Dark struck a mock-thoughtful pose, putting his finger on his chin like he was deep in thought. “Um, I don’t know – maybe nothing, since no one can see us.”
“Smart-aleck,” Light replied to that, giving Adam a glance. “Adam can see us!”
“Yeah, cause Adam likes us so much,” Dark scoffed, poking Adam in the back with one black polished finger.
“There’s a reason I don’t like talking to you!” Adam huffed, turning back around to face one of his schizophrenia induced annoyances. “You drive me insane! You two are always fighting like a married couple.”
Light pulled a face. “That’s a horrible image.”
“Agreed,” Dark said, shuddering. “And besides, we’re sort of the same person.” Suddenly, it appeared as though a light bulb had gone off in Dark’s head. “Would it be considered incest if you married yourself?” he mused, genuinely thinking for once.
“Dark!” Light gasped, scandalized. “That’s disgusting!”
Dark shrugged, though he had a wicked smirk on his face. “Just asking.”
“Though,” Light frowned, “I suppose it would be.”
“I was right! And I finally got you to agree with something I said!” Dark threw his hands up as he started to do a victory dance that looked horribly like the Running Man gone wrong.
“Dark,” Adam said, trying not to face-palm. “Stop. Dancing. And please, change the subject.”
Light was looking thoroughly disturbed and more than a little peeved by his overly dramatic other half. “Yes, please.”
“Spoil-sports,” Dark muttered angrily, a shadow of annoyance clouding his face. “You’re just mad because you don’t have my skills.”
“What skills?” Light asked, jumping down from the marble counter. “You have none except influencing Adam to do stupid things.”
“Not true!” Dark replied, wagging his finger in Light’s direction. “I’m an awfully good artist and I recently discovered my affinity for break-dancing.”
“Emphasis on awful,” Light replied, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, yeah?” Dark countered, putting his hands on his hips sassily. “What do you do besides be a suck up to Adam and convince him to be a goody-goody whenever you get the chance?”
Adam sighed as he listened to their exchange, leaving the bathroom to get a drink of water. The two bickering illusions followed, Dark making himself at home on Adam’s couch.
“Well,” Light replied, pulling out the little writing book he carried everywhere. “I’m a writer, I can sing, and I’m very good at meditating.”
“Yeah,” Dark scoffed. “Because next time you apply for a job they’re going to be looking for Advanced Meditators to hire.” He paused. “And I forgot about that one – I can sing like crazy.”
“Meditators isn’t a word!” Light retaliated. “And it’s a useful skill!”
“Suuuuure it is,” Dark said, rolling his eyes. He sat back on the couch, stretching his legs out in front of him as he grabbed Adam’s laptop. “And it’s a word if I want it to be.”
Through a sip of water, Adam made a noise of protest at Dark using his computer.
“What!” Dark defended himself, signing onto Adam’s fansite. He pulled up the Fan Creative Corner link and started browsing through it. “I’m just checking the fanfiction updates.”
“You read fanfiction?” Light asked doubtfully, standing behind the couch and reading over Dark’s shoulder.
“Uh, sure,” Dark replied, snickering as he pulled up an Adommy story.
“Why are you reading that?” Adam gasped out, sitting down at the table and putting his face in his hands. This schizophrenia was going to be the death of him.
“For your information,” Dark purred, turning his sharp golden gaze on Adam. “I am a complete Adommy shipper.”
Before Adam even had a chance to respond to that, Light said, “That’s garbage! Sauli is Adam’s love.” His eyes turned dreamy, causing Adam to groan to himself. He hated when Light went into a rant like this.
“His one true love, his saving grace, his other half, the one that completes him! It’s a miracle they found each other, soul mates for life – “
“MUTE!” Dark screamed, pointing an imaginary remote at Light and pretending to click a button obsessively. “MUTE!”
Light just raised his voice over the yelling and continued, “THEY MUST’VE MET IN PASSED LIVES AND THEM MEETING AGAIN IN THIS ONE WAS A WORK OF FATE! FOREVER IN LOVE, THE WONDERFUL MEETING OF TWO SOULS IN A BOND OF – “
“Can we NOT talk about my -“ Adam set a pair of confused eyes on Light. “My bonding with Sauli?”
Dark snickered. “That’s what she said.”
“Do not pervert the name of true love!” Light gasped, rounding on Dark.
“I’m not perverting anything, Light.” Dark smirked at his golden hued copy. “It was already perverted.”
“Shut UP you imbecile!” Light snarled.
“Oh, so now you speak French?” Dark exclaimed in a strange accent that Adam couldn’t quite place. “I do
“Really?” Light asked. “Show me.”
“If you insist,” Dark replied, breaking into song. “We’ll never get to far, just you, me, and the bar, silly ménage a trois sometiiimes! Would you be mine?”
Adam groaned. He often wondered how on Earth these two were a part of him.
“You’re an idiot,” Light said.
“You’re annoying,” Dark responded, going back to reading his Adommy fanfic.
“I am not an airhead.”
“Oh yeah? What’s the date?”
“How is that?”
“I haven’t checked a calendar today! How should I know the date?”
“Fine. What’s Adam’s birthday?”
Dark slammed the laptop shut. “AM NOT!”
“Yes, you are,” Light said, sitting down next to Adam who was repeatedly hitting his forehead against the table.
“Hon, don’t do that,” Light told Adam, putting a pillow on the table. “You don’t want a bruise before your big show.”
“Oh! Are you gonna make out with Tommy again?” Dark quipped, popping his head up. He was sitting upside down on the couch, his feet pointing up at the ceiling.
“No.” Adam glared at Dark while rubbing his forehead. “I am not.”
“Aw,” Dark pouted. “What am I going to tell my bloggers?”
“You have a blog?” Light asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes, I do.” Dark pulled out the laptop again and typed in a website. “See?”
He turned the screen towards Light who peered at it cautiously. “Adommy Fansite – By Dark Adam. You were serious?”
“Yes,” Dark snorted, closing the computer. “When am I anything other than serious?”
“Freak,” Light replied, pulling out a pencil and writing something in his notepad.
“Book-worm,” Dark muttered, falling back over into his upside down position. He kicked his legs,
accidentally sending one of his boots into the air. It fell onto his face with a thud.
“Ow!” he yelped, rubbing his face.
“Aw,” Light sympathized, not looking up from what he was writing. “Does your face hurt?”
“Yes, actually, it does,” Dark snapped, throwing his boot at Light who caught it easily. He frowned when it
didn’t hit him.
Light finally looked up, though he ignored Dark. “Adam, are you going to get dressed?”
“Crap! I forgot!” Adam exclaimed, looking at his clock. “Oh, that’s just Glamtastic, I only have five minutes before I have to be out there with Tommy and the rest of the band!”
“Run, Adam, run! Run to your closet!” Dark yelled in a nasally voice, his face turning red from being upside down so long.
Adam left them, praying to the Gods of all things Glam that they wouldn’t accidentally (or on purpose in Dark’s case) set the room on fire. He quickly pulled out a pair of skin-tight black jeans and a silvery jacket with studs around the cuffs, attempting to pull the jeans on without falling over onto the floor. He hopped around comically as he tried to get into them.
On his way out of the room, he slipped his feet into a pair of fierce combat boots. Out in the living area a very strange sight met him.
Dark and Light were sitting at the dining table, having what looked to be a perfectly civil conversation. Light was sipping tea out of a rather frilly pink teacup with his pinky out while Dark drank from a yellow coffee mug.
He intertwined his fingers and leaned forward towards Adam in a rather diplomatic position. “We were just talking about you.”
Adam sweat-dropped. “What about?”
Light said, “We haven’t been influencing your music enough at all lately.”
“What are you talking about?” Adam asked. “You were just in the music video for Better Than I Know Myself!”
“Yeah, but it was just you dressed like us!” Dark reasoned, taking a long gulp of his drink. “It’s not like people can actually see us. And you portrayed me completely wrong. I am not some emotionally deprived freak who sets things on fire. I am simply a pyromaniac fanboy who likes to dress in black. And occasionally not be a very good influence.”
“Occasionally,” Light repeated quietly, raising an eyebrow. “Whatever. Anyway Adam, we should write a song for you!”
Adam nearly fainted at the thought. “And have a song written like Oh, Dark is so much cooler than Light, oh yeah! No, Light is one hundred times better than Dark is!”
“We would not write it like that!” the two yelled at the same time, both standing up simultaneously.
“Yeah, I can be deeper than that!” Light exclaimed. “And Dark…” He looked at Dark. “Well, Dark can do backup vocals!”
“Yeah!” Then Dark realized what had been said. “Hey, I can be deep!”
“I know you can, don’t worry,” Light comforted Dark, placing a hand on his shoulder. Then, he turned back to Adam. “But seriously, you should let us!”
“You guys are insane. Completely out of your minds. There is no way that I am letting you two put music
on my album. Do you know what would happen!? Could you imagine the questions?” Adam shouted, waving his arms around for emphasis.
He imitated the voice of a female interviewer. “Tell us, Adam, what was the inspiration for this new album entitled Dark vs. Light?”
He switched to his regular voice. “Nothing much, I just have these two schizophrenia induced sides of me that appear on a regular basis and annoy the crap out of me! They suggested they write the next album for me. Who was I to say no?”
He switched to an overly excited fan voice. “Speaking of, there they are! Wave to an empty spot of air will you!?” Adam jumped up in down in mock excitement. Then, he stopped. Light and Dark were shaking their heads vigorously, pointing behind him.
Adam turned around to face the doorway. There stood Tommy with his guitar, his purple hair flipped over his eyes as per usual. He had a massively confused face, both of his eyebrows raised higher up than most people could physically allow. “Adam?”
“Tommy!” Adam squeaked in shock. He heard Dark laugh.
Tommy just stared. “Uhh… you’re on in ten. Alex wanted me to let you know.” As he was about to leave he had a second thought. “Are you okay, Adam?”
“Yep!” Adam replied, casually taking out his phone and texting a smiley face to Sauli. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okaaaay,” Tommy said, giving Adam a concerned glance. With one last confused smile, he left.
“Silly kitty!” Dark laughed. Light stifled a snort of amusement.
Adam turned, contemplated, and then whirled around and flipped the two look-alikes off.
Light gasped before crossing his arms and disappearing in a shimmering haze.
Dark widened his eyes, told Adam to F-off for good measure, and then shimmered and faded away as well.
Adam sighed. Just another day in the life of him.